Letting Our Children Struggle (On Purpose): Forming Stalwart Hearts for a Noble Adventure

At Lorien Wood, we are committed not only to students’ delight in learning, but also to their
formation. Yet we are living in a cultural moment when many well-intentioned parents feel
compelled to shield their children from nearly every difficulty: late homework, discomfort,
frustration, a disappointing grade, an awkward conversation with a teacher. The impulse is rooted in
care, but research and experience tell a different story:

When children never struggle, they never strengthen.

A childhood without friction may feel loving in the moment, but in the long run, it can keep
children from growing the grit, resilience, and wisdom they will need to navigate real life and pursue
God’s calling.

The Good Work of Struggle

Child development experts consistently note that facing manageable challenges builds resilience.
When adults swoop in to fix, rescue, or smooth every path, children lose the opportunity to develop
problem-solving skills, perseverance, emotional regulation, and confidence in their own God-given
abilities.

At Lorien Wood, we say that our task is to outfit a stalwart and faithful fellowship for a noble
adventure. Adventures (real ones!) are rarely tidy or predictable. They require courage,
resourcefulness, humility, and the ability to try again after disappointment. These traits do not
emerge in children who never face difficulty. They grow in students who, within a supportive and
Christ-centered community, learn:

• how to think through a challenging homework problem,
• how to accept natural consequences like a low grade or forgotten assignment,
• how to speak honestly with a teacher,
• how to face and work through a struggle with a friend,
• how to push through frustration instead of giving up.

Every one of these moments forms them.

Learning That Stretches: “Desirable Difficulties”

Cognitive science describes something we see daily in our classrooms: students learn more deeply
when the work requires effort. These “desirable difficulties” are the tasks that feel a little
uncomfortable: recalling information without notes, planning multi-step projects, revising writing, or
preparing for assessments with spaced practice.

This kind of productive struggle may feel slow or frustrating to students, but over time it produces
stronger, longer-lasting understanding. In Lorien Wood language: it tempers them. It strengthens
their minds much like our Outdoor Education Lab strengthens their bodies, through meaningful
exertion.

Cultivating Grit, Growth, and Grace

Decades of research, including Angela Duckworth’s work on grit, tells us that perseverance and
resilience often matter as much as raw ability. Students who learn to persevere, reflect, revise, and try
again are better prepared not only for upper-school work, but for adulthood, relationships, vocation,
and service.

At Lorien Wood, grit is not mere toughness. It is courage anchored in Christ. It is the belief that: I
can struggle, fail, get up again, and grow, because God is with me, and my community walks beside
me. This is the kind of formation that lasts a lifetime.

How Lorien Wood Intentionally Forms Resilient Students

Our mission shapes how we design learning experiences throughout all Forms:

• We set high, clear expectations. Assignments, readings, and projects are designed to
  stretch students appropriately. We are not aiming for ease; we are aiming for excellence and
  formation.
• We honor natural consequences. A forgotten assignment or low grade early on is not a
  crisis, it is a safe opportunity to practice responsibility while surrounded by caring adults who
  guide reflection and next steps.
• We coach instead of rescue. Teachers offer strategies and scaffolding, but we do not
  remove all discomfort. Our goal is confident independence, not quiet dependence.
• We normalize struggle as part of growth. Students regularly hear, “This is hard because
  you’re growing,” or “You don’t have it yet.” We celebrate perseverance, wise planning, and
  reflection.
• We give real opportunities for courage. Outdoor Education, public speaking, long-term
  projects, collaborative work, and even the daily rhythms of academic life all give students
  meaningful ways to practice resilience in a Christ-centered community.

This is how we prepare them—heart, mind, and spirit—for the noble adventure ahead.

Partnering With Parents: What This Looks Like at Home

Parents and school work best when we are united in the same formation goals. Here are some ways
to support grit and growth at home:

1. Let your child own their work. Provide space, encouragement, and accountability—but
   resist the urge to rescue. Allow them to speak to their teachers and manage their
   responsibilities.
2. Welcome small failures now. A missed assignment in Form 4 is far less costly than an
   unprepared semester in college. Early, supported failure is part of formation.
3. Ask coaching questions, not for-the-child solutions. “What’s your plan?” “How could
   you start?” “What will you do differently next time?”
4. Celebrate perseverance more than perfection. Name effort when you see it: “I noticed
   you kept going even when that was frustrating. That’s real growth.”
5. Share stories of your own mistakes. Children develop healthier resilience when they know
   that adults also fail, learn, and grow.
6. Check your own discomfort: Sometimes rescuing a child is more about easing our own
   anxiety than helping theirs. Instead, communicate quiet confidence: “This is hard, and I trust
   that you can work through it. I’m right here.”
   
   Forming Stalwart Souls for the Real World

The world our children will enter will not remove obstacles for them. It will require perseverance,
adaptability, humility, and courage rooted in Christ. So, at Lorien Wood, we do not aim to make the
path effortless. We aim to walk alongside students through meaningful challenges, equipping them
with the character and skill to meet the world with resilience, wonder, and faith. Together, let’s give
our children the gift of good struggle, knowing that struggle, held within grace and community,
forms souls capable of leading, loving, and serving well.